Frustration: a love one is struggling, but we can’t help him…

Posted ​22-05-2015

​The people we love are very important to us. So we’ll do anything for them, even if they don’t ask for it.

In some cases they are not conscious that they are in need of help, even sometimes they are desperately in need of help. 

But we do! We see them struggling, their suffering does hurt us and we get to a point where we cannot bare to keep looking at them and do nothing.

So we decide to act! We are going to help them, we will get them out of their suffering, or at least die trying.

So we act, we give them advice, we provide them with tools to get out of their troubles, we even give them money. And sometimes we take their problem and we make it ours so that we can solve it for them.

But here is the sting:
· Are they ready to get out of that situation?
· Did they learn the lessons provided by it?
· Are they even willing to get out?

Well, in the majority of these cases this is what happens:
· They do not listen to us. They won’t even remember that we’ve been talking to them.
· They will keep moving in the same direction and refuse to change course.
· They may even go deeper in their troubles as they step back when we try to pull them out.

Although it is often very hard and even painful to see them suffering: we have to assess the situation and see if they are willing to listen and ready to get out of whatever pickle they are in?

As you have most probably experienced yourself:   imposing a solution or your ideas  is counterproductive.  

And think back, when you were in difficult situations:

Were you always truly open to receive help? Were you listening to their unsolicited advice? 

You even may have experienced saying that you needed help but at the same time you kept refusing all the help people were offering. And you probably even worked very hard on finding excuses not to accept it?

Respecting the people we love is in this case respecting their true needs, even if that means staying a bit longer in their suffering until they learn the lesson they had to learn from it. Once they have decided they want out: that is when they will be open for help.

So why did we, or do we still, try to help people against their will? Who does truly need help here?



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