From Disappointment To Inner Peace & Happiness
By Lotfi M'Rad
Written on 23-09-2020
In this article I will hand out some tools on how to deal with the following questions:
It all started with yet another disappointment. This time I decided to sit with it. Allow it to be and see where it would lead me.
I took 3-4 days of not speaking to anyone, canceling all my meetings, being by myself, going into the park. Just feeling, observing and only sometimes contemplating.
Having resisted and fought this kind of feelings and experiences countless times…
You may know the saying “Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different outcome”. Albert Einstein called it the definition of insanity. I guess he was describing most of humanity :-)
After the disappointment I started to feel pain, deep pain. It was not just that I felt it, it came UP and OUT. It left my system. Some of it was not emerging for the first time.
A “special” week is approaching again, special for my family. The week of my father’s birthday, the next day it’s mine, the day after that is the day my mother died, three days later would have been her birthday and the day after that was her funeral. The days of the month being 2, 3, 4, 7 & 8th.
Last year I was alone during that period and it hit me real hard. My whole life passed in front of me. All kind of memories, mostly the painful ones. Pain of the missing, pain of loneliness, pain of all the things I didn’t get to share with her, missing the three of us being together. The pain of all my friends living far away, the pain of those who died, relatives and friends. The pain of loss in general. The pain of loss, the pain of grief and the pain of disappointment.
I realize while writing this that the disappointment was all about myself.
"Disappointment, a very self-destructive ritual that we have been programmed by society. The worst thing you can self-inflict"
I feel tear coming up while writing this. This time it’s different. I realize while writing. I’m letting go of all this self-torture as I see clearly, more than ever before, what I have been doing since young age.
You may realize that you too have been doing this.
Being disappointed about myself in so many ways. Yet I have so much to be proud of.
I've done things that most would not know how to achieve or even dare to try.
I know for a fact that I have big Cohones! I've moved countries twice on my own, first time at the age of 20. The second time was at the age of 42 but to a country I barely knew so many called me crazy. In both cases I followed my intuition and I was right to do so.
I've sat down one day to make a list of all those who's lives I've influenced, just updated it and the number is high. Also carrier wise I've achieved things I didn't think possible and yet I did.
I encourage you to make a list of each of those things in your own life. It'll put things in perspective.
We've been conditioned by society to underestimate ourselves, to not value what we do, how we contribute even with small acts. Yet these small acts can have a butterfly effect!
It’s time to have mercy for yourself,
self-compassion, self-respect, self-appreciation and self-love.
Calm music, moving, being in nature, sun rays, being by yourself and staying hydrated are crucial to get deeper within yourself, letting out the pain, freeing yourself from all those heavy stones you’re carrying around in your backpack.
Check the playlist at the bottom of this page for music that may help you in the process.
"Staying hydrated does not include alcohol or coffee
Have the balls to stand up for yourself! Take your life in your own hands. Stop being a victim. Stop blaming others for your experiences and choices.
Manning-up is not about gender, being tough, ruthless, having no emotions.
It refers to humans having the ability of “Free Choice”.
Even when not knowing where to head in life.
Choose to be the True You!
“Who is that?” you may ask.
Well, the true you is not all you have been trying to show to the world. It’s mostly what you have been hiding from the world.
The true you is that child that has been hiding within you. The child you couldn’t be for a long time, or never be period. Or so you believed.
Well, surprise ... surprise... Here you are. You’ve hidden it all those years, tried to “conform” to your family, to your friends, to society and yet you don’t feel happy. You may have never felt truly happy, the kind of happiness that is simply there for no obvious reason. A happiness that you feel within all your cells. A happiness that is simply there and that can’t be dimmed or erased.
It is me deciding to change my life, to set myself free from the inside out, and to do what it takes to reach true inner happiness that led me to where I am today.
I have been feeling this freedom and happiness deep within me for some months now.
It also has been coming to the surface on a regular basis. Feeling happy for no obvious reason, enjoying the moment, simply feeling grateful, for nothing in particular... Laughing out loud as I see the humor in things. Observing the craziest things happening in the world and not judging, or judging them less harshly.
It is a process. It may start over night, yet it takes time to integrate it in life, to let go of old habits and patterns. It’s letting go of the old programming.
"Deprogramming ourselves takes time.
This journey is both an inner and an outer one. It’s one that requires time spent by yourself without distractions. Yet it’s one you never walk alone!
This autumn (the year is 2020)
is when there is no way out, no return except to the true YOU.
We will all be reminded of all we have been running away from, forced to face our daemons, our shadows, our lies and see who we truly are. It’s time to discover our true self, our gifts, our true potential, what we truly desire, what we truly value: a life of inner peace, inner happiness, inner joy and truth.
Like I said, it’s not a path you walk alone. So if you are not seeing others walking it yet, if you need inspiration, help, guidance or support, ask for it! Ask for help!
"Contrary to what you’ve been told,
You can contact me personally here: contact Lotfi
You can get instant access to help on this path by joining my Patreon here. At least one post a week that helps you ride the waves that are coming your way. Choose the amount you want to pay and the kind of support you want to get. Click here: Patreon.
Tools that can help you:
1- Guided Meditations:
Get access to all my guided meditations and meditation instructions manual: click here.
2- Videos that will help you het more clarity:
3- Music Playlist:
I composed this Music Playlist years ago to help break through my own emotional walls.
I'm sharing it with you now: Click here.